Boss was stroking the dip in my spine with just his thumb as he kissed me. I felt my skin tingle and warm right at the base of my dress, and the tingles moved up, then down, then spread over my body. I deepened the kiss with Boss for a minute, not thinking about anything except all the feelings pulsing through me. I pushed him back and he stumbled backward a bit, then kissed me deeper.
His hand moved from my back to my leg. To my dress. To underneath my dress. And that’s when I steeled up every single ounce of self-control left in me, as most of it had drizzled away underneath Boss’s thumb. I broke away and said, “Don’t.”
“What?” He looked dazed.
“I…” Was I really going to be honest with him about this?
He put his hand on my cheek and asked very softly, “What is it?”
I knew there were so many things that were wrong between me and Ian because I wasn’t honest. I wanted to fix it and not be so scared that I wasn’t good enough.
“I…I want to talk to Ian. I need to tell him some things.”
Like how I’m still in love with him and yet I was kissing his brother. How could that be? I thought love was supposed to sweep me off my feet. Maybe I wasn’t in love with Ian after all. Or maybe I wasn’t good enough for Ian. Or Boss for that matter. He was staring at me waiting for me to say more, or possibly just start kissing him again. I felt a pull toward him and wanted to lean into him, but I didn’t.
Because I probably wasn’t good enough for either of them. But there was more than just that.
“Plus, there are other problems,” I said in a whisper.
He dropped his hand and took a step back. “Problems?”
I nodded and he said, “Are you going to elaborate?”
Was I really supposed to tell him that even though I felt a zing of electricity every single time he looked at me, I didn’t want to sleep with him yet? Or possibly ever? Would it even matter if I saw Ian and he miraculously forgave me for all of my dozens of mistakes?
“No,” I said. “Not until I talk to Ian.”
“I guess I should talk to him, too,” Boss said, letting out a slow, deep breath.
“I’m seeing him in Portland this weekend. Please let me do it first?”
“And then?” he asked with his eyebrows quirked upward.
“Who knows,” I said, but I knew that this was likely the last time I was ever going to kiss Boss, that with a clear head, he was going to change his mind about me for so many reasons. The thought twisted me up inside, and I closed the gap between us, put my hand on his collarbone, and tilted my head up to kiss him again.